Run Away! Run Away!
As a youth, I was a great fan of Monty Python. The Flying Circus was great and The Holy Grail was...well the Holy Grail!
One of the great expression from Monty Python and the Holy Grail was, "Run Away!", which was uttered numerous times throughout the film if memory serves, as a replacement for "Retreat!"
Well, I've discovered recently that there isn't a replacement for retreat!
I'm not speaking of natural flight before an overwhelming foe, rather the time-honored tradition of spending a block of time in solitude to re-focus and refresh.
This summer, my head was down in concentration and I was focused on attaining certain milestones in the evolution of the computer network at the private Christian School "Collège-Daniel" where I work in Alsace, France. I was determined to achieve breakthrough and had been working on certain issues for a loooooonnnngggg time. The artificial goal I'd set required that I achieve certain things during the summer break that I simply couldn't work on effectively during the school year.
Angela had been gone for a month in the States, hoping-against-hope that I'd have wrapped it all up by the time I met her at the airport with flowers in hand (which I did, of course!), and then we could actually relax a bit during the summer break [peanut gallery "snicker" here].
Of course while she was gone, I couldn't hardly get anything done because I was running the house (and not nearly as efficiently as she does!) So, when I went right back at it at school our "expectation conflict" was beginning to brew.
Eventually it boiled over and soon thereafter I got sick for a week...so, she was right that I was working too much and my priorities were messed up. Additionally, as we reflected together on our "summer of family transition" and our last 8-9 years of cross-cultural adventure and moving from house to house, the accumulated weight of stress in my life became more evident to me.
I finally realized just how exhausted I was...spirit, soul and body. It was time for a change of scenery and pace.
I'd heard of a place in Alsace, near Munster, where there was a retreat center run by protestant order of sisters where one could get away for a spiritual retreat. After some checking around, I finally found the Community Center at Hohrodberg (Centre Communautaire du Hohrodberg.) About the same, time a good friend of mine in the States also took a retreat. I knew it was a confirmation. I needed to run away!
So, I took 5 days to spend time resting and talking and listening to God. Of course, I had naively hoped to come back all cleaned up, rested up, filled up and full of clear direction for the year to come (among other things). This was a similar sentiment that I had when I left for our YWAM DTS 9 years ago.
God doesn't seem to work that way with me...;-)
No, He seems to have a preference for drawing me and coaxing me toward Him via "hedging me in" in ways that are uncomfortable...physically, spiritually, and emotionally. He understands that "perfect bliss" in my natural life doesn't push me Further Up and Further In!
So Angela drove me about an hour northwest of our home in Soultz to Hohrodberg. The final 10 minutes of drive are a beautiful, winding climb up higher and higher in the Vosges.
The Centre Communautaire du Hohrodberg is a collection of 3 buildings that straddle this winding road as it continues on into the Vosges. I was welcomed by one of the 7 sisters (in the "order" sense of the word) that live at the Center and run it. Their full-time vocation is to pray continually and welcome visitors to the Center. I was shown around and then shown my room. I said good-bye to Angela and settled in for my 4-5 days with the Lord.
My room was named "Horeb" and was situated in the building named "Elim." It was immaculate! It was small but very thoughtfully appointed - bed, sink, table, night-stand, good lighting, good storage, great view, etc. I really couldn't have asked for a better situation. I never saw any other rooms but I was very impressed by mine.
Horeb is mentioned several times in scripture; notably as the sight of Moses' burning bush (Exodus 3:1-3) and Elijah's encounter with the Lord (I Kings 19:4-18). Elijah's experience spoke to me while I was there. Here's a little comparison between his "Horeb experience" and mine:
Elijah
David
As I mentioned, my time at Hohrodberg, though valuable and peaceful, wasn't idyllic. Idyllic is something I'd love to experience, but I know that idyllic doesn't refine me.
At Hohrodberg, one is expected to enter into the community rhythm while staying there. I took a wonderful 3-day retreat many years ago at Sacred Heart in Colorado., and the integration was a bit more "à la carte" there, if you will. I think I preferred that. At Hohrodberg, office is 3-times-a-day, just before meals. The meals are all taken communally, course-by-course, with the breakfast and evening meals being eating in silence. Everyone participates, in turn, in the wash-up after the meals.
Probably what was hardest for me were the meals. I found it annoying to "eat in rhythm" with the serving of the courses. I also struggled with eating in silence with people on my right and left that I didn't know. I don't mind silence at all, but I prefer it in conjunction with solitude/physical separation. A crowded room of silence actually feels a bit oppressive to me. The food wasn't outstanding either, so I didn't really look forward to meal times.
I had all the rest of the time to myself and it was more than sufficient. But...the "imposed rhythm" marked me enough that I might think twice before going back...or perhaps I'd go back for a shorter time, in a better all-around state. I was more or less in "critical care" when I went, and really wanted to take a break from any particular rhythm...good or bad. I imagine that going there "healthy" for 2-3 days would probably flow much better for me.
I took my English Bible (normally I read from my French Bible, but I really needed to completely relax and reading in French still represents more effort than in English) and two books: Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado and The Pleasures of Loving God by Mike Bickle.
I didn't take my guitar or a camera. I'm glad I chose not to. The guitar would have been a distraction and the amazing beauty would have endlessly whispered (or screamed), "Capture me! Capture me!" As it is, I captured what I could with camera on my phone and added an album for Hohrodberg on our gallery. Having a "phone cam" however, allowed me to take very quick snapshots without getting sucked into the time-consuming activity of creating photographic works of art (in my dreams!)
The rest, the reading, the prayer, the walking, the offices, the enveloping beauty...all of this combined to communicate a handful of simple messages that have been amplified and confirmed since returning home:
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[...] (quote from last month) "...I'm the only one foolish enough to not take a vacation..." Well, I finally took a week off by myself at a retreat house because of my exhaustion. You can read all about it in this blog post. [...]
I tend to become duty-bound and fret over whether I am "doing enough" for God, even when I am exhausted by what I am already doing! I think that God wants me to spend more time in prayer so that he can fill me and order my priorities.
I think I've finally come to the point where I don't have any more motivation for the "doing" while my tank is empty. I'm just done with my tank being empty and am content to spend some time filling it back up and getting in the habit of keeping it filled from now on. I'm hearing so much the same thing from other people lately that I'm convinced that God's up to something with more than just me!
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